is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
