Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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