i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
