So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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