Me. At least after what I've been through.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
