im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
