Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
