I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
nutella sex= disaster
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
