i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
