I think I won the penis lottery.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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