my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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