Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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