So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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