Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
