Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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