Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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