i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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