I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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