I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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