Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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