I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
