The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
