i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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