I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
