Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
