you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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