He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
third nipple confirmed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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