very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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