i think my tv is drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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