i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
