White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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