the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
