If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
