i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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