three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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