apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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