I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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