Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
