Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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