I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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