My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
