I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you didnt know i had herpes?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
