I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i dont even know how to be here
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
