Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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