I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
