How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize