hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
