so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
