i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize