Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
