OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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