I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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