Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
