One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
