at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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