So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
