One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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