I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
