Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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