he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
