i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
