My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Less talking, more tequila
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The air was thick with penises
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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