my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
