If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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