he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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