If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
