my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
