I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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