Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
