i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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