Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
