She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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