Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
