Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
