Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
