just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
