I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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